I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
he puts the penis in happiness.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize