I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
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