Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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