took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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