I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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