Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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