he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
