now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
