nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
