i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize