We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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