Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
