so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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