guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize