He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
