I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize