These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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