like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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