I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
