I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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