SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
