she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
