I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
