I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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