i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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