his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
