Moan for me like Helen Keller
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Liz is crying about burritos again.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize