She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
