yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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