he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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