I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
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