3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
we have officially lost it.
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
