Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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