did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize