He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I can't turn off my feet"
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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