Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
