we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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