Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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