Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize