And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
