I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
