If i come over, it means nothing
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
