Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
True strength comes from lack of pants
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I love you.
Bad choice
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