Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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