For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
