So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
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