so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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