you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
