so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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