Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
