Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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