lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
sex in a hospital.. check
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
