Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Girls should come with a carfax report
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
