Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
