So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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