I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize