i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Randomize
