Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
