I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
