Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize