The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
