i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
