Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize