HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
