I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
