I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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