And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize