My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
