dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
