I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
