You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
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