I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
