so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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